Here Comes the Comeback!*

Last week I posted on Facebook a blurb about me and Harry Chapin’s song, Cat’s in theCradle. 

I wrote:

"I grew up with this song and was determined to be different. It doesn't matter, though. Even if you were there to play ball with them, they'll still be too busy for you when they grow up. That's life. It isn't fair to beat ourselves up with this song when they don't have time for us. Still, some days it drums on in my head anyway."

I think I’ve posted about my angst with the topic of this song a few other times. Our oldest child will be 30 in just over a week, and I’m feeling it again.

The other day, however, I had a breakthrough! Because of that song, I was determined when I had kids I would do things differently than the author. AND WE DID! Whenever humanly possible, we were at every birthday party, every ball game, every performance, every graduation, and every other milestone. We exposed them to adventures and experiences. They worked along side us when we volunteered. We took them to church and we lived the same sort of lives at church as we did at home. We told them we loved them and that we were proud of them. We were there!

Of course, we did make mistakes. For one, we didn't pray and read the Bible in front of them as much as we could have. We did, however, strive to do things differently than the author of that sad, sad song. I had Chapin in the back of my mind and I was saying, “Ok, Harry, we’ve got this!”

Jump ahead to the last five years. Two married kids and five grandchildren later. I’m in dismay. They don’t have time for us. What did I do wrong, Mr Chapin? I headed your warning. 

BAM: Here it is. Our kids are doing what we modeled! They are spending time with their children. They are spending time with their church. They are diligent in their work. They are making a difference in the lives of others. Parenting isn't something you do so that others will like you. Parenting is doing your best to help them have happy successful lives. It isn't an equation of "If we spend time with them, they will spend time with us. It doesn't work that way. They are children; they are looking at us and learning. They copy us. They want to be like us. That IS the message of that song, really. 

"He'd grown up just like me. My boy was just like me."

The thing we missed was that we didn’t model spending time with OUR PARENTS! Get it? They never saw us do that, so why would they think it is important to us? Now, I don’t take total fault in that. Today families live so far apart. It is normal for kids to grow up and move away. My parents did. We did. I didn’t see time with parents modeled, so I didn’t do it. Our kids didn’t see it modeled, so why would they now think to fit it into their lives?

My Dad is gone and my Mom lives across the country. Cat’s in the Cradle laments that a parent cannot turn the clock back and be at that birth, throw that ball, etc and so on. I can’t catch up either. The kids are raised and I can’t even feasibly visit my parents. So as for my kids spending more time with us, I can’t fix that, and maybe I don’t have to. Like I said in last week’s post, "That's life." We raised independent kids who are happy and doing a great job as responsible adults! I no longer need to beat myself up with the message of this song. I kept my word to myself and I did listen to and fulfill those warnings in regards to our children!

Now I feel a new song coming on. One that will stick in the minds of my kids’ generation, or at least the minds of my grandchildren. Don’t let your life go by without spending time with your parents; your children are watching and if you ever want them to look back at you once in a while, they need to know that that is important to you.

Lunch at The Ledges at Sebasco Harbor Resort Phippsburg, Maine

As I realized these truths, the following song came on and I danced as I towel dried my hair and brushed my teeth: 

The Comeback by Danny Gokey