Mother of the Groom

Have you seen Father of the Bride? I've watched it a few times. I watched it differently when I was the Mother of the Groom for the first time. That was eye opening; you should try it some time. Let me just say, I think it's about time someone made a movie called, Mother of the Groom, and it should star Patricia Heaton. I loved her in Mom's Night Out, and I think she could nail it with much better humor than I'll ever be able to handle the reality. I'll most likely have one more shot at it some day and if she could make this movie and give me some tips, I might be able to do it without messing up!

What may not be super clear to the casual attendee, is who does what. Tell me you do know there are lists. When your child gets engaged there is no shortage of protocol and procedures for what your role is in helping them tie the knot. Traditionally, the Bride's family decides and executes most everything. I don't know how it got that way and I don't know who wrote these rules. I really wonder why they are so important, but it seems in America, they are. Too bad for the family with all girls who has to foot the bill for everything. Too bad for the mother of many sons who who likes to throw a party! The Groom's family, on the other hand, has a short list. They should have the right clothes, provide a meal of some sort after the rehearsal, and be on time to the wedding ceremony. If the groom happens to have siblings in the ceremony, you help them get their clothes in order. That's it. goldmine, of sorts, if you only have sons.

Sometimes a groomsman happens to be a brother of the groom and needs his pants hemmed. Easy peasy. This doesn't take long at all. That is, if you sew. If you don't, then the groomsman will know that and won't even ask you! He'll just go to a tailor or something. (I shiver to think what that "something" might be, but I'm sure there are stories!)

Then there is the rehearsal dinner. This can become the party planning mother of sons' creative outlet. If you love to plan to a theme, this is your event. Sometimes the couple makes a theme really easy to land on. When they choose a Tardis for the top of their cake, you can be pretty sure they will, at the very least, be ok with a nod to Dr. Who for their Rehearsal Dinner. In one episode this now 51 years running TVcharacter travels in the Tardis to meet Vincent Van Gogh. If you smoosh those themes into twinkly night of celebration, it should be a hit. Of course, in case there aren't any stars in the sky that night, you simply plan for that possibility by erecting a white event tent with bunches of strings of lights, and dozens of candles on the tables. It will be exquisite. Getting friends to help you pull this together will make it more perfect. One more thing to do for this event is to hire a photographer. I'm not talking about a high end professional, but someone who has done a few photo jobs who can help you out for a little less than, say, the wedding photographer. If you don't like to plan parties, you can order pizza, or reserve some tables at a restaurant. You decide!

                

The Mother of the Groom must find a dress that doesn't clash with the bridal party, doesn't outshine the Mother of the Bride's dress, doesn't stand out in the photos, and fits. Then of course, find the Father of the Groom a tie that matches. You might even have to go find your corsage yourself.

Another task, should the groom have a sister who is invited to be part of the bridal party, is to make sure her dress fits. A little bit of sewing to move the straps to a more fashionable place, and done. Easy to do in advance so it isn't being done the week of the wedding. Being able to zip into the royal blue dress is the bridesmaids job and if it's an end of summer wedding, so is finding a bathing suit with straps in the same place so that there are no unsightly tanlines! 

It's the rare Mother of the Groom who is priviledged to be able to help provide the wedding cake. That isn't normal. Not every groom has parents who tag team making wedding cakes on occasion! Of course, the design idea is usually from the bride and groom. You just make it happen.

Regardless of who does what for the wedding, what is more important is what all of the parents do for the marriage. That work must take place before the wedding. Long before the wedding. Raise your sons and daughters to be patient, thoughtful, kind, tenderhearted, forgiving, gentle and caring. Teach them to be self sacrificing and show them how to prefer others over themselves. Teach them about commitment and what that really means. These are the things that will be the most important and beneficial when preparing for their marriage, and for their wedding.